When first discovering sex, even the merest contact or salacious image will send us to new heights. At some point, we start looking for something new. Simple kissing gives in to French, to cocksucking, and more. If you are new to hierarchy or BDSM, there are all sorts of things to explore. Even if you have been around the block a few times, there are still things you can discover, things you may have not tried before.

 

    Growth is essential to all of us, otherwise we get stuck in a rut doing the same thing over and over. Human beings want to discover something new, have new experiences. New kinks need thought to plan what you will do. Even expanding on a kink you are already involved in means looking at the risks and evaluating them. 

 

    You may have a kink you enjoy, say pup-play. Being a pup is an incredibly freeing experience, letting your mind go and your animalistic instincts take over: playing fetch, chewing slippers (which will earn you a spanking from me), and getting scritched behind the ears. If you have previously only been a pup for a few hours at a time, you could set the goal to now spend an entire 24 hours in pup-mode. Spending longer as a pup can have positive and negative effects, so you will want to check with others and keep aware of your mental state. Your Handler will also want to pay attention to your reactions. 

 

    Another option would be to try an arena you have not previously explored. If you enjoy receiving impact, you could look to electro or wax play. These have some roughly similar effects: an application of a form of pain, among other factors, of course. Trying something you relish in a new form can provide sensations that you will hopefully want to return to over and over again. 

 

    Of course, you could always try something completely different. If you have been serving only sexually, some bondage would heighten your experience and intensify the feeling that you have of being controlled by your man. The inability to move will force concentration as you have restricted freedom and so forced to concentrate more on the dick in you. 

 

    Deciding on what you want to explore can take some time. Something may have caught your eye so you have a yearning to try. Or you could stretch yourself by something you could have had some reluctance in. I do not recommend going into something you hate to prove obedience or willingness; many people have dislikes of things for reasons. So find something closer to what you “can live with” that is a change for you but not an overwhelming challenge. Do not make it so difficult where simply starting that the experience is ruined for you. Having a strong aversion to piss and trying water sports will not make it an experience you would want to relive. 

 

    Doms push the boundaries of their subs, and Doms should look at expanding their range as well. Learn new skills to try on the sub, try new methods and create surprise. Let your mind be unrestricted. As BDSM is a cooperative experience, discuss with your partner. Your Dom or sub may have some ideas they want to explore, as you have an ongoing relationship with them. It is essential that you have developed trust for those times when you are less sure of your footing. 

 

    Kink activities are not the only way you can grow. Do research on the history of kink. Find a community IRL or online to assist. Find someone new and help them discover safe and sane kink practices. Consider going to one of the conventions or camps. Find opportunities to meet and talk with others and share experiences. Leather culture suggests spending time as a sub before you Dom, so there is experience in both sides. This can be true of (born) subs as well, try to Dom some and see what it is like. Do what feels normal, natural, and comfortable within your parameters.

 

    Kink presents a wide range of opportunities to discover, and in all of them, there is Elysium. Post your questions or advice in the comments below so we may address them in an upcoming podcast.