– Thomas Carver

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If a guy has earned my respect, he can call me “fag”, but a random person sending me a DM that begins, “Hey, fag”, usually don’t get a response. And someone yelling “faggot” from a moving car (which has happened to me, as it has to pretty much any man who lived for any period of time in a college town, I suspect), is more likely to catch my fist than my worship. As Alpha Titus has previously written here, it’s a matter of context. Like I always say:

The only time a guy can call me a ‘faggot’ is if his dick is in my mouth. 

In the context of the Alpha/fag dynamic, though, “fag” is the “term of art”, as it were. It’s expected, even welcomed, among those on the right-hand side of the slash. It signifies someone who accepts, welcomes, and embraces degradation as a way to please an Alpha. It’s an act of utter humility: to accept the slur as an act of worship. 

Unfortunately, there are a lot of misconceptions about what a “fag” is; some of it spread even by other fags. Often people have a tendency to “one-true-way”-ism it; the belief that because sexuality works for you in this or that way, it must work for everyone in that way. 

The truth, as always, is a bit more complex than that.

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Myth 1: Fag is just another word for sub. 

Reality: All fags are submissive, but not all subs are fags. A sub might think of submission as something he does; a fag often thinks of it as something he is. This does not imply that all fags are 24/7 slaves. Most of us have jobs, friends, and lives outside of the hierarchy, as do most healthy human beings. And it also doesn’t mean that fags can’t have and enjoy vanilla sex (in fact, I quite like it). It also doesn’t mean that fags can’t be switches: they can as discussed here. Identity is complex, intersectional, and – as the Buddha teaches us – impermanent. 

Fags also tend to have a particular orientation toward service. They might prefer not to have any reciprocation, and many fags actually like to be locked up in a chastity device. Many fags also take pleasure in acts of small service; a fag can get a thrill cleaning up after Alphas at the gym, for example, without anyone even noticing that he’s picking up discarded paper towels and throwing them away. Some fags find their entire sexual satisfaction in doing chores and running errands for Alphas, or lending their talents in other ways.

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Myth 2: Fags always / never ___________.

Reality: “Fags always swallow.” “Real fags always have anal.” “Fags never say no.” “Fags always do chores, suck dick, lick feet, drink piss . . . ” 

When it comes to the complexity of sexual desire, always and never generally signal a bit of that one-true-wayism I mentioned before. There are fags who never even have what most of the “ordinary world” would call sex. They do dishes, vacuum floors, and so on. Again, the watchword for being a fag is: service. Sometimes that service is sexual, but it doesn’t have to be. 

And when it is sexual, it doesn’t always take the same form. Some fags may not swallow cum because it’s marginally safer not to have a man come in their mouths (arguably – not much research has been done on it, for some reason). Others may never engage in anal sex, but they’re still fags. 

In the words of the poet, “they also serve who only can fellate.” 

Fags are human, and as humans, they have desires and needs. They choose to subsume many of those needs and desires for the pleasure of their Alphas. That’s one of the things that make them fags, but they still have the right to say “no” as well as the obligation to express their needs and desires clearly. Fags, in other words, have limits. A good fag will express them, and a good Alpha will respect them. 

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Myth 3: Fags are worthless.

Reality: Every human being has inherent worth and dignity. Fags choose to surrender their dignity for the pleasure of Alphas, but that’s the thing: they choose to surrender it. If they don’t have it, there’s nothing to surrender. 

Sometimes in a fit of passion and ecstasy of humiliation, fags will whine that they’re worthless, mere objects, dirt under the foot of a magnificent Alpha. But if that were true, what conquest would it be for an Alpha to dominate them? 

Fags’ value isn’t monetary, or measured in their accomplishments, because no one’s is. Value is inherent. But a fag with no skills, no interests, no ideas or thoughts of his own, can’t offer a lot to an Alpha. 

There isn’t just one way to be a fag, but I do think it’s a good idea for fags to cultivate themselves. Develop interests. Learn to have conversations. Hone skills, and not just your skills at sucking a dick. When a fag kneels before an Alpha, that Alpha knows that he’s done something: he’s taken an accomplished and educated man, and brought him to his knees. 

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Myth 4: Fags cannot have love.

Reality: No one is guaranteed love. The idea that there’s someone for everyone simply isn’t empirically true. Some people are alone forever, and can either learn to enjoy their solitude, or wallow in their loneliness, depending on their temperament. 

But many fags think that their subservient nature and constellation of degrading kinks mean they’ll never find love. And that, too, is empirically false. Yes, fags who exclusively serve straight men are unlikely to end up in any sort of conventional relationship with them. But then again, fags who serve gay men are also unlikely to end up being conventional. Being a fag just isn’t conventional.

But that doesn’t mean that finding love is impossible. In fact, of the fags I know, most of them are in, or have been in, long-term and meaningful relationships. Sometimes with Alphas, sometimes with people who understood their submissive needs and gave them rein in an open relationship. 

I also know fags who choose to remain single, because it gives them the flexibility to serve men how and where it’s needed. This too is not a wrong or sad choice: being single is not a curse, and sometimes it’s better than what often passes for love. 

The sexual emotional needs of fags do not disqualify them from love. On the contrary, the orientation of service and surrender is, in most contexts outside of ours, regarded as a great virtue, worthy of admiration. For an extended description of how this plays out, check out Wolf Serge’s essay Even Love, and for more on the subject of love in the Hierarchy, read about the different types of love in the article Prism.

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I think the spreading of these and other myths about fags is ultimately dangerous. It can cause emotional distress, but also physical danger. Fags who don’t think they have the right to consent can be taken advantage of by unscrupulous Alphas, some of whom are unfortunately goaded on by emotionally unstable fags. 

Being a good fag is recognizing the role of service, and the reality of service, in that identity. There’s even a certain pride in bending the knee, taking a man’s spit or cock or piss, licking his ass, worshiping his feet, or doing his laundry. There’s a paradoxical exaltation in submission, one that the healthy, happy, well-adjusted fag knows well. 

Reject the harmful myths of faggotry and embrace the truth, free from shame or guilt or false expectations from both society and from within.

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Thomas Carver is the author of over a hundred erotic novels and novellas, all available on Amazon for purchase or through Kindle Unlimited. He splits his time between Chicago and southern California. When he’s not furiously composing hot stories about dominant alphas, submissive fags, and kinky situations, he writes music, sculpts stone, and seeks adventure. His full catalog of stories may be found here: viewAuthor.at/ThomasCarver.

His website is thomas-carver.mailchimpsitees.com, with contact information, mailing list, and links to his Patreon.