It is easier than ever to put your own content into the world, and a great many place their lives where everyone can see them. It’s also easier than ever to consume such content, as smartphones allow everyone to have a screen on hand. The lines at the grocery can be forgotten as you check to see who has done what. Cousin vacationing in Ibiza? High school classmate you haven’t talked to since graduation having a baby? Random celebrity sharing a thirst trap? You can now catch updates as soon as they happen. Yet, there is a darker side to it all. When you look at the people on the other side of the screen, living their “best lives”, do you feel inadequate compared to them? If so, it is an inadequacy that may not even really exist.
There are numerous tricks used to present something on camera. Milk being poured into a bowl of cereal is actually glue. Perfect unblemished skin is thanks to makeup, lighting, and PhotoShop. That happy family running through Disneyland doesn’t even know each other, or the “joy” of standing in line for hours to sniff the magic chemicals used to give the waters of It’s A Small World its unique fragrance. This has been going on as long as pictures have been taken. When you are in the business of creating a fantasy, even a realistic fantasy, it is expected things will be done so the end product appears exactly as you want.
This “fantacization” extends online. We all know the joke about “Grindr inches” versus “actual inches”. Even in hierarchical forums, people have been known to fluff their stats. Internet Doms will inflate the number or devotion of submissives, concocting or extending stories of subs they met once, if at all. Subs will fake stories of use, so it appears they are providing services they cannot or will not. Alphas compete to appear more dominant than other Alphas, subs will compete to be the most submissive, all for fabricated braggadocio.
So don’t be surprised when you are checking out Instagram or Twitter and notice what appears to be perfection. Even that which looks spontaneous may be very well planned. Videos of Doms using subs can be as scripted as a TV show. Several YouTube prank channels have had to announce they staged the reactions, employed actors, and even blocked off locations. There is fierce competition for clicks, so someone promoting themselves will do everything they can to look their best and attract as many viewers as possible. The equivalency in our hierarchical communities would be FinDom, where the more extravagant the tribute, either to or from, the more likely it is to be staged.
Perfect bodies or perfect BDSM scenes require extensive work. When broadcasting on any channel, the promoter will not show any flaws, complications, or problems. They often neglect to show the hours spent in the gym, the rigorous dieting, the time spent “waiting for the water to run clear”, the extra coaxing to the sub, shooting scenes multiple times to capture the “perfect” angle, clever editing slight-of-hand; anything to emphasize the fantasy world.
What is sold is a fantasy, and this fantasy world brings its own problems, such as dissatisfaction with how a dynamic functions, or even your own body [1]. Studies have shown that the more you look at images on Facebook or Instagram, the less comfortable you are in your own skin. The influence is great enough to drive people to plastic surgery, especially if they review social media just before or after sleeping [2].
If you are looking at a lot of posts and they make you feel unhappy, there are a number of things you can do. Regulate the time and frequency of your consumption. Don’t obsess on seeing every entry manufactured by the poster. Look at the news, or other non-image-centric content that engages your mind. Find people in a similar state as you who share how you feel and who are also working to improve themselves and focus on their holistic wellbeing.
Consumption of social media has an impact on different levels. A first order effect is how frequently you feel something may be happening; in the examples of the influencers, how often they engage in workouts or other activities. A second order effect changes your value system, so you will want to guide that to your goals. A third order effect changes your observable behavior [3].
In all cases, you want to manage how your mind changes. If you are a Dom, this manifests in how you strive to better exert control. If you are a sub, to provide a mind and body for your current or eventual Dom. A growing movement has started on body positivity, encouraging body types that do not conform to overly idealized standards, and looking at more body positive content has an improvement on mental health [4]. Just as this movement is focused on the body, in the hierarchy, look for those engaging in healthy hierarchical relationships. We are more, much more, than just our bodies.
How do you feel about the images you see on social media? Have you discovered ways to appreciate them for the fantasy that they are or do you find yourself comparing yourself to them in a harmful way? Share about it in the comments below or on our Discord.
Citations:
1 “10 YouTubers Who Faked The Most Pranks.” 25 Oct. 2016, [YouTube link] | [article link]. Accessed 5 Apr. 2022.
2 Jiotsa, B.; Naccache, B.; Duval, M.; Rocher, B.; Grall-Bronnec, M. Social Media Use and Body Image Disorders: Association between Frequency of Comparing One’s Own Physical Appearance to That of People Being Followed on Social Media and Body Dissatisfaction and Drive for Thinness. Int. J. Environ. Res. Public Health 2021, 18, 2880. [article link]
3 Krause, E, Ohler, P, Stein, J “Every (Insta)Gram Counts? Applying Cultivation Theory to Explore the Effects of Instagram on Young Users’ Body Image” Psychology of Popular Media Vol. 10, No. 1. [article link]
4 Al-Yahya, T, AlOnayzan, A, AlAbdullah, Z, Alali,K Althabi, F “The impact of social media engagement on body image and increased popularity toward seeking cosmetic surgery” International Journal of Medicine in Developing Countries October 2020. [article link]
5 Cohen , R , Newton-John, T, Slater, A “The case for body positivity on social media: Perspectives on current advances and future directions” Journal of Health Psychology 2021, Vol. 26(13) [article link]
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