For a submissive, finding a Dominant can be a long, frustrating process. Each Dom wants something different, it can be impossible to be all things to each Dom. Even what a Dom desires in the sexual arena can be different, be it oral, or rough, or no sex at all. Part of a sub’s life is to be molded to please the Dom. What can a Dom expect from a sub? What should the sub do to prepare for the wide range of what a Dom could choose?

One of the more common beliefs of submissives is that they need to demean themselves to attract a Dom. To be willing to do anything, to take any abuse, to accept and even degrade himself. So the question arises – what would a Dom prefer, a worthless sub or one that has an array of skills? 

Every day, we each pay more for something that is more valuable, better restaurants, clothes. The more valuable, the more prized. We put on our best clothes to impress others, chose better restaurants for more important events. What is more valuable is more prized. What has a great value is more desired. A sub who shows his value will find that more Doms want his services. The feeling of power a Dom experiences when a skilled person kneels before him is heady. 

Consider going on a roadtrip with a Dom, and in a very rural area the car suffers a fault. Even if the Dom is able to resolve it, think how much better it would be for the sub to fix the car, allowing the Dom not to be bothered. By having auto repair as a skill, not only the sub able to do routine maintenance, but can step in at an emergency. Having skills means the sub provides more, can improve the life of the Dom more than a lessor skilled sub. 

A wide variety of skills can be useful to a Dom: being able to do taxes, plant a garden, repair a home. Many subs learn to cook or clean, however additional skills make the sub even more valuable. A sub may look at how he can sexually service a Dom, sex is only one part of the dynamic. Honing additional skills that can be leveraged to improve more facets of a Dom’s life is better. 

Phones improved from devices attached to a cord to utilitarian portable wonders and exploded in value. Any sub who increases his skills will find a similar increase in interest. Specialized skills can make up for what a sub may find as a deficiency. If a sub does not see himself as physically attractive, yet accumulates a range of skills to offer a Dom, that sub will find more Doms considering and willing to use him. 

If we equate “worthless” with “trash”, why would a Dom exert effort to obtain trash? Why would a Dom express pride in ownership of trash? Consider the competitive advantage of not being trash, but a prize. A sub that has more to offer a Dom will rise about others and be more likely to attract a Dom better. 

If a Dom is only interested in worthless or “trash” subs, what does that say about what that Dom believes he can attract? A man who values himself, knows his own worth, will look for subs that elevate his status. Knowing subs of greater value mean the Dom is even more valuable. One other consideration is a Dom who only looks for “trash” is most likely really interested in only destroying a sub, or could be an abuser, not a Dom. 

Degradation and humiliation are common kinks. They can be enjoyable to all parties. There is a distinct difference between demeaning a sub as part of a scene, and putting him down as a person. No kink is right at all times and in all places. 

Doms take pride in themselves and who that attract to serve them. One of the best ways a sub can obtain and keep the interest of a Dom is by providing a wide range of well-executed services to improve all areas of the Dom’s life. Subs, don’t degrade yourselves, upgrade yourself and entice the Doms.

-Max Potter

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