maxrpotter

How do we transition the online connections we make into ones in real life? Read and find out how to set yourself up for success encounters.

        Cyberlife is now more than a fantasy people just do on the side. Emails and Tweets are used in court cases and have influence on our regular lives. Relationships are started and ended with Facebook posts and Instagram photos. Dating apps allow people to meet that would never have if relying on introductions from friends or random conversations as a party. When you search for someone in the hierarchy, it is most likely there are fewer people in your area to try a match with. Vanilla dates are usually mostly in public: restaurants, movies, coffee. All let two people discover what they have in common (or not) and see if they want to progress further (or not). When looking for a hierarchical partner, there is a significant chance your first encounter will be online. Due to the nature of the beast, actual names and appearance can be hidden. Standard safety practices have kinksters using handles and declining to send pictures or do a video call. Because of the need to keep things private, this should not raise a red flag.

Even the most trustworthy people in hierarchy do these things.

        But what if you progress to the point of arranging a meet? What then? Preparing to see each other In Real Life (IRL) is a significant step. It can be a wonderful step, putting you with the man (or sub) of your dreams that otherwise you would have never met due to distance. Or it can be disastrous.
        Many kinksters have started online and grown to marry or form permanent dynamics because they took the leap to IRL. When you do come in contact and hold each other, when the sub finally kneels before his Dom and feels that righteous submission, when the Dom places his hand on the sub’s head and knows this sub is his, when this contact is the result of months (or years) of talking, there is a feeling of completeness that cannot be expressed.
Unlike those who would have to learn each other on dates, these are two males who have grown to know each other’s minds and souls, and now their bodies can do what they had only been desiring before.
        There is a leap from online chatting to an IRL meet. If it causes doubt or anxiety, rest assured you are not alone. We all build up images of someone, but the intimate knowledge you have gained over time will overcome any concerns – as it will for the man you meet.
        When IRL is the start, learning each other’s souls comes after. If you have been online a while, this is reversed. We start not with the bodies, but with the souls. While the person you know is physically there, the soul is what you have already connected to, as that is the person you have gotten to know and become so close to.
        Honesty is always best, so be honest of what you obscure (i.e. using a handle rather than a name), and what you will not reveal at all (i.e. actual employer). Be upfront about your situation; is travel out of your reach, are you in a relationship with someone, etc.
Traveling to meet someone can be simple or involved. As you decide, plan what level of disappointment you can deal with. If it’s an hour-long trip to the next town and they do not show, your inconvenience is limited. If you buy air tickets and they do not show, it is a major inconvenience. Plan on what you would do if they do not show at all, or if they are not compatible. Have a hotel room, look at activities to entertain yourself.
        I knew of a sub who took a day off work, drove a couple hours, and waited. No Dom appeared. No call, no contact. This was inconvenient in addition to being disheartening. Be ready if no one shows. Have what you need, including a mobile number for the person you are to meet so you can stay in contact. Have an exit plan. It is always best to meet in a public place first, to be able to appraise the person you are just now physically meeting.
        When you get serious about an IRL meeting, this is a time to bring back all the reasonable doubts a person should have when engaging in online chatting. Are there suddenly many obstacles? Does the person suddenly change their schedule? Do they become evasive? If statements they have consistently been making for some time begin to chance, that is a red flag. If arrangements have been made and money spent, only to have “something come up”, be very wary of going further forward. It is always possible for major plans to change at the last minute, but we all know this is rare, and certainly would not happen more than once. Plus, we are all adults. We know what the other person has invested. Knowing of that investment and letting anything get in the way without explanation is not an adult thing to do.
        Can it be a perfect blend, meeting someone from online IRL? Yes, completely. I recently met one of my online subs who lives in Germany. He traveled to the US for a conference. I drove a few hours and got a hotel room. That evening, I picked him up. Were we exactly what the other expected? I won’t speak for my sub, but he was certainly a pleasant surprise. Were we compatible? Yes. Am I glad the hotel I was in did not have thin walls? Yes. Did it strengthen our dynamic? Yes.

Let the opportunity to meet IRL happen.