“Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you’ve found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for.”

– Lawrence Block

I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend when I claimed and began training my pup, Tsume. I was following the plan my mentor and I had created to claim and train a sub for 90 days, then release him into the wild. This was something we discussed since Tsume lived about 3 hours from me at the time of his training. Fate, on the other hand, intervened when we developed feelings for each other. It wasn’t until my mentor and I had a conversation about what letting myself love a sub could mean.

During my mentorship, he came to see that, even after my divorce, I still had the capacity to love greatly and deeply. He began calling me a “reluctant traditionalist”, meaning that I do enjoy having someone to love and share my life with, regardless of the trope of being an unattached Alpha. My mentor and I talked about what parts of the dynamic needed to change to accept this fact about myself. This had to begin with me relaxing one of my fundamental rules I had in relation to expressions of love from my sub.

Once the technicalities were worked out, Tsume and I openly discussed our feelings for each other. This allowed our Alpha/sub dynamic to become deeper and stronger than I ever could have imagined. We kept this love private from the larger Alpha/sub community because there seems to exist a stigma that we could never truly love each other, or at least not on a romantic level. The past two years have only proved that a loving, lasting relationship is sustainable and serendipitous.

You’re asking yourself, “How can you love and own a sub without hurting the relationship?” Communication and rules are the primary tools that we employed to greet this new dynamic. Even through discipline, Tsume knows that my love for him is strong and unyielding. Even when restrained and paddled, or denied my cum because he violated a rule of the Pack, he knows in my heart that I still love him. It’s a mix of love that I have for him; the same love owners have for their pets, the same love a parent has for their child, and most importantly the deepest love of all from the heart. This mixture allows for our unique dynamic to function, but navigating them is paramount. 

We have times where we communicate as Alpha and sub, boyfriends, and even regular people. The last part is most important, we are underneath all of the dynamics of Hierarchy and love. We are still our own unique people with traumas of our past. We took each layer and discussed them separately, having created verbal and nonverbal cues which allow us to navigate them without causing confusion about which headspace we need to be in at that particular time. Imagine yourself walking through a store with your boyfriend when he suddenly calls you Alpha. Without knowing where your sub’s head is, this could be confusing. In public, my sub/mate/boyfriend calls me “Alpha” about 95% of the time and “my love” the other 5%. This does cause people to look at us oddly, but has also shown subs in hiding that an Alpha walks among them.

I also created rules for what I expect and how to behave as my sub in this dynamic. While my rules and expectations are unique to me, it doesn’t mean other Alphas don’t have their own form of them. These rules cover everything from daily tasks, communicating within the Pack, and representing me when in public settings. Not all rule violations result in dismissal, and some have even been relaxed to allow for situations unique to his past. There is even a gradient for how to punish when a rule is broken. Sometimes it’s a simple timeout in an uncomfortable position, being denied my load, or getting the paddle. The most severe punishments are not used as an ultimatum, but as a reminder that his place as my sub exists through service.

Was finding someone to share my heart with what I had in mind when I embraced my Alphahood? Most certainly not. However, once I accepted this new paradigm shift both within myself and my mindset of being an Alpha, I embraced this love I have for him. I often use this quote from Assassin’s Creed: “Nothing is real; everything is permitted”. There is no “one way” to be an Alpha, and what you do makes you the unique Alpha that you are. Likewise, there is no one way to be a sub. Within your dynamic, anything is possible. Even love.

– Wolf Serge

Want to know more about Wolf Serge? Check out his article The Rebirth of Wolf Serge.